Kiss, Kiss
by Bandbabe
Summary: Adam never thought he would be that guy. – Future fic; Adam/Fiona pairing; Some Badam and Drew. *Complete*
1. with Bianca

"Kiss, Kiss"

Summary: Adam never thought he would be that guy. – Future fic; Adam/Fiona pairing; Some Badam and Drew.

Author's Note: I reference one of Adam's mistakes in a couple of my Fadam future fics. I decided to finally write out this event, resulting in this story.

This story is set during Adam's Junior year. If you read "How To Save A Life" this was briefly mentioned in Chapter 9!

Categories: Romance/Angst; Fiona/Adam; Bianca/Adam; Future fic!

Disclaimer: Do NOT own Degrassi! (I'm not even Canadian!)

* * *

-oOo-

It was the stupidest thing he had ever done. The moment he pulled away from her, he was immediately filled with regret. Conflicting emotions. Desire. Repulsion. Want. Anger. Curiosity. Vindication. And fear. Lots of fear. He forgot himself for a few moments and now he was in danger of losing everything.

Adam was running as fast as his legs would take him. He ignored the burning in his lungs and the need for more air. He didn't want to think. He didn't what to face what he had done. Working with Bianca had been a bad idea. He knew from the moment they were assigned dance partners. However, so much had changed this year. Once they returned from New York, no one batted an eyelash at him and Fiona dating. It was old news. As the year progressed he gained more acceptance and made new friends as he got increasingly involved in school.

He was president of the GLBT club at Degrassi, a position of leadership he took seriously. With much dedication he pushed for more awareness and spoke out against bullying. Adam had also joined the basketball team. He encountered a lot of resistance at first, but after proving his ability on the court things got better. He was riding a high and people who taunted him last year treated him differently once they really got to know him. Bianca was one of those people.

Last year he hated her, and by all appearances she hated him too. Once she found out he was born a girl she had never missed an opportunity to taunt him about it. When he began dating Fiona her vitriol ramped up. Both he and Fiona were annoyed and had told her off more than once. At the end of the year however, she finally backed off. She never formally apologized but her behavior towards him had changed.

Bianca was indifferent to him at the start of the year. He saw her in the halls and sometimes after basketball practice, when she waited for K.C., but they didn't converse. They had very little interaction until this project for class. To him, she had become an afterthought until then. They decided to start fresh and just focus on completing the assignment. They exchanged small talk and Adam finally decided Bianca wasn't so bad.

Then today happened.

When he was honest with himself he could admit that an attraction had always been there. Simmering, just below the surface. Even when they had been yelling at each other, on some level he knew there was a reason he was on her radar. He just didn't know why. He had long gotten the memo that she wasn't interested in him. It was ages since he cared. His feelings for her had never run deep, and he had happily moved on to Fiona. However, it got under his skin that she felt the need to proclaim far and wide how much she hated him.

So he wasn't prepared to see desire in her eyes when he took a seat next to her.

He didn't know what to make of it when he became hyperaware of their close proximity. His brain screamed at him to stand up, but he didn't. He stared straight ahead, watching her from the corners of his eyes, until she reached out and turned his head towards her. Their eyes locked and he realized Bianca didn't hate him at all. He felt punch-drunk at the epiphany. His heartbeat sped up as she leaned in to kiss him.

Time slowed down as he watched her come towards him. When their lips touched the passion between them exploded. He pulled her close and she ended up partially in his lap. Adam placed one arm around her waist; his other hand was in her hair. Bianca leaned into him and deepened their kiss. Tongues met, furiously battling each other and releasing all the anger and frustration they felt over the past year. They were a tangled mess of limbs as hands roamed.

After a few minutes Bianca pulled back and smiled at him. She let out a short laugh, which even in his lust filled state he registered as one of the few genuine laughs he had ever heard from her. She held his gaze as she began to unbutton her shirt. Adam reached out and stopped her hands.

"I-I can't do this!" he said panicked.

She threw him a quizzical look. "Sure you can," she said seductively. She moved in for another kiss when Adam turned his head to the side.

"No," he said firmly. He was angry with himself for letting things get this far. He moved to stand up abruptly. He brought his hands to Bianca's waist, so she wouldn't fall, and placed her on the couch.

"She's going to hate me," he said to himself.

Bianca studied him. Adam looked more frazzled and on edge than she had ever seen him.

"Only if you tell her," Bianca said quietly.

He turned to her. "I have to tell her," he acknowledged sadly. There was no way he could keep something like this to himself. Already the guilt was eating him up inside. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "FUCK!" he suddenly yelled.

Bianca flinched.

"I.. I gotta go," he said already running out the door.

.

tbc

* * *

A/N: Wrote this as a long one-shot, but it has 3 distinct parts. Decided to cut it up into chapters because of this. Will update soon.


	2. with Fiona

"Kiss, Kiss" – part 2

Summary and notes in part 1.

Disclaimer: Do NOT own Degrassi! (I'm not even Canadian!)

* * *

-oOo-

And now he had reached his destination. Fiona Coyne's apartment. He knocked three times and waited anxiously for her to answer. After what felt like an eternity she opened the door.

"Adam!" she said happily. "You're here early."

She looked just as he remembered her. He wanted to freeze this moment and live in it forever. He could see the affection she held for him in her eyes. Would she ever look at him that way again? He mentally shook himself. She had to. She had to forgive him.

Fiona stood aside. "You're not going to stand there all day?" she teased.

Adam gave her a small smile and stepped inside.

He walked over to the kitchen counter as she locked the door. Memories of time spent here filled his mind. Unpacking Tapas on the counter the day they first kissed. Eating breakfast the morning after he first stayed over. Working side by side throughout the evening as they studied for finals. Tears came to his eyes.

Fiona came up behind him and wrapped her arms around him. He tensed in her embrace. She released him and stepped back.

"Adam, what's wrong?" she asked concerned.

It almost felt like another lifetime ago, but his motto had been, 'it's better to rip the band-aid off.' He wasn't sure if he could do it.

"Something happened," he said in a shaky voice. He nervously wrung his hands.

Fiona felt sick. Adam's whole demeanor was scaring her. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hear what he had to say. She looked into his eyes, searching for reassurance that this wasn't as bad as she feared. He looked away and she felt a pain in her heart.

"Tell me," she heard herself say. Her tone sounded strange to her ears. It came out deathly calm when she was full of nerves inside.

Adam swallowed. "Bianca and I… kissed."

Fiona blinked. Her breath was caught in her throat. She stared him for a few moments. All at once she could read the guilt and regret in his eyes. He walked in with it and she hadn't noticed. She could feel her world shifting on its head. Adam, the love of her life, the one she trusted with her heart, the guy who swore he would never hurt her – had.

Her silence unnerved him. Adam took a step toward her, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!"

Fiona stepped back. "But you did," she cut him off.

He had to explain. He had to make her understand. "She kissed me—"

"And you couldn't move away?" Fiona yelled, her anger finally reaching her voice.

Adam paused. Eventually he did, but that wasn't until later. It wouldn't make one bit of difference to Fiona. He decided to throw himself on the mercy of the court.

"Fiona, _please_. I'm sorry and I wish I could take it back!" he pleaded. She turned away from him. He continued, "I love you. I don't want to lose you!"

She wanted to stay stone faced. She wanted her words to be cold. She didn't want him to see her cry. She didn't want to show how deeply hurt she was. But hearing him talk, the sadness and desperation in his voice got to her. How did they end up here?

One minute they were happy and in love. The next he's cheating on her with the girl who endlessly taunted and harassed him last year. Bianca had a reputation as a boyfriend stealer, but she never thought Adam would be one of those boys. She was a vile person. A sleazy, skank. So why did she draw boys to her like a moth to a flame? And more importantly, why did Adam take the bait?

She couldn't forgive him for this. Not now. Possibly, not ever. What they had was ruined, because the Adam she loved would _never_ hurt her this way. Apparently he wasn't who she thought he was.

Fiona was openly crying now. "It's too late for that."

Adam looked her with a pained expression. "No," he protested. "I love you!"

"I love you too," she said sadly. "But it's not enough."

Adam was crying too. He felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He hated himself right now. He didn't mean to hurt her. He couldn't imagine his life without her. She was everything to him, and he screwed it up. He never thought he would be that guy.

.

tbc

* * *

A/N: And now we know how Fiona feels. Certainly can't blame her…


	3. with Drew

"Kiss, Kiss" – part 3

Summary and additional notes in part 1.

Author's Note: Last part!

Disclaimer: Do NOT own Degrassi! (I'm not even Canadian!)

* * *

-oOo-

Adam held in his pain as he travelled home. He occasionally wiped his eyes while he was on the tram. When he got home and saw Drew watching TV in the living room, he finally broke.

"Adam?" Drew said alarmed as he rushed to his brother. He wrapped his arms around him as his brother sobbed openly.

It was a long time before Adam was composed enough to speak. Drew watched him cautiously, wondering if there was someone he needed to beat up.

"I'm sorry," Adam said in a hoarse voice.

"Don't be," Drew told him. "What happened?"

Adam's lip trembled as he struggled not to cry. "Fiona. Broke up."

"WHAT?" Drew yelled. Immediately he felt bad because his brother looked even sadder. "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to yell… why did you guys break up?"

Adam felt like he was going to be sick. "Bianca."

Drew stared at him for several seconds. Part him wanted to yell at him for being so stupid. However, his more compassionate side had won out. He remembered how bad he felt for cheating on Alli. He hated himself for doing that and it got worse when everyone knew. He knew what it was like to be in Adam's shoes. Though, it was slightly icky that both incidents involved the same girl.

"I'm sorry to hear that, but things will get better," Drew said earnestly.

Adam gave him a look. "How? Fiona _hates_ me," he said pointedly. He added softly, "Not that I can blame her."

Drew nodded in agreement. "You screwed up, but Adam you're human. She loves you. She can't turn it off in one day," he pointed out.

"You didn't see her. She was hurt and angry. I think it's really over," Adam said sadly. He wanted this all to be a dream. He wanted to wake up and find out none of this had happened. He couldn't imagine not being with Fiona. He loved her with all his heart.

Drew shook his head. "I've seen you guys. You have a genuine connection. Always have. It's not like what happened between me and Alli. We weren't in love—"

"But don't you see that makes what I did a thousand times worse? That makes it harder to forgive… if not impossible," Adam fired back.

Drew was quiet for a long moment. "How far did you go with Bianca?"

Adam scratched his head. He didn't want to think about it again, but if Drew could help him it was worth it. "She kissed me."

Drew gave his brother an appraising look. "Just a kiss?"

Adam faltered under his scrutiny. "We made out for several minutes."

Drew nodded, grateful that Adam went nowhere as far as he had with Bianca. Still there were more questions. "How far did you go when making out?"

Adam looked at him confused.

Drew sighed impatiently. "What were you doing with your hands?"

Adam grew uncomfortable. "Does it really matter?"

"A kiss has different ramifications than a series of kisses. Just like making out with only mouth to mouth action is different from full on groping," Drew explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "It's all about determining when you stopped the train. Were you on route or were you almost pulling into the station?"

Adam inwardly groaned at Drew's crude analogy. "Fine," he relented. "Our hands wandered but I stopped her before she took off her shirt."

"You're screwed," Drew blurted out.

"Hey! I thought you were supposed to be helping me?" Adam complained.

"Fiona's not going to appreciate you reached clothing removal stage before stopping. All I can advise is that you give her space and let her work out how she feels about you. Pushing to get back together when there are unresolved feelings is a recipe for disaster," Drew told him.

He was crestfallen. "So there's no hope?"

"There is!" Drew assured him. "But it's going to take time," he warned.

"So what do I do now?" Adam said feeling very lost. Talking with his brother made him feel a small margin better. It distracted slightly from the feeling of his heart shattering in a million pieces – and knowing it was his fault.

Drew looked at him grimly. "We're going to get up, go into the kitchen, and eat some sandwiches."

Adam raised an eyebrow. "That's your big plan?"

Drew shrugged. "It's the only one I've got."

.

-FIN-

* * *

A/N: I know, I broke up Fadam… *Dodges the pitchforks*

Please go easy on the hate mail! Adam's not perfect and these kinds of things do happen.

Let me know what you think!

**Update: The sequel to this story has been published. It's called "Radiate".  
**


End file.
